Recently, another military mom, whose son died while serving in Iraq, asked me the question, "How many U.S.A. military must die before Americans insist on ending the war in Iraq?"

It seems that while managing their own lives, Americans involve themselves little in public matters — even war — until they are personally affected.

Perhaps if there was an equal chance for all U.S. citizens and their sons and daughters to be killed "for their country," Americans might resist war actively. A military draft may be required to galvanize Americans in antiwar protest, as during the Vietnam War, another chaotic time for the United States.

The political feasibility of reinstituting a military draft in the U.S. is questionable. Some Americans do not want a draft reinstituted at this or any time. But Americans increasingly recognize that reliance on a volunteer military for national defense is not just or wise. Though military conscription is a difficult policy to accept, the harsh realities of the Iraq war have triggered a collective American conscience with ambivalence about relying solely on a select group of volunteers to protect our national interests, at home or abroad.

Many Americans have a deep respect for those brave men and women who volunteer for military service during a time of war. Yet, some people absolve responsibility for the war’s military casualties by citing the voluntary nature of current service in the armed forces. Recently, when discussing my own son’s approaching deployment, a lifelong acquaintance reiterated a commonly heard statement: "Yes, it is risky, but he volunteered. He knew what he was getting himself into."

Of course, no one really knows the hell of war until he finds himself dodging bullets and explosions or seeing fellow human beings injured and killed. As a mother who was conscripted involuntarily for the role of "Marine Mom," I anticipated only a small measure of the heartache and worry that comes with having a loved one in the armed services during a time of war. Some people think a son or daughter’s decision to join the armed services represents parental failure. When I hand out "bring them home now" literature on city streets while wearing a hat with the phrase "My Son is a Marine," I see many people reading the words on my hat and then avoiding looking me in the eyes. Other people ask, "Why did your son volunteer?" It is sad.

But I’m bolstered by the people who thank me for protesting the Iraq war, though my son will soon be there. Many people declare that more of us should be working for peace. It’s up to the rabble-rousers to remind others of the high costs of the Iraq war and other injustices, within or emanating from our beloved country. For military family members who try to promote peace in this world by opposing the continuation of the Iraq war, the stakes are so very dear: our loved ones’ lives and our country’s future.

SUSAN J. MISNER

Columbus